Blossompalooza '09

I have become completely entranced by CNN’s live feed of the cherry blossoms around the tidal basin. Or what I have dubbed BlossomCam. Or CherryCam? Or CreepyCameraStalkingStrangersCam? Jury’s still out.

After watching it for longer than I am willing to admit, I am unable to determine if the people passing by or posing for pictures or attempting to not fall in the water – no matter how hard I will otherwise - are aware of it.

Needless to say that when I head down on my own blossom trek this week, I will be looking for a little CNN cam, with my hand-lettered “Marry Me Anderson?” sign at the ready.

Everybody get up it's time to jam now

Reason #426 why I love America. Because we live in a place where someone can walk into an office at Warner Brothers and pitch the following idea:
“So, I say we take Michael Jordan, perhaps the greatest basketball player that ever lived, have him sucked into a hole in a golf course and transported to another planet, where he engages in an epic basketball game for the freedom of Earth against evil monstars from a planet called Moron Mountain, which is basically just an amusement park. Patrick Ewing and Charles Barkley will make appearances, but early on they’ll have their talent sucked out, so they’re just secondary characters. Oh, and did I mention that MJ’s teammates will be the Looney Tunes? I think Bugs Bunny might be kind of hard to get, he’s a bit of a diva, but Foghorn Leghorn and Tweety Bird are super excited for it. You mean I didn’t mention that? Well, how about his other two teammates will be Bill Murray and the postman from Seinfeld? You’re sold? You’ll give me a couple million to create the best movie to meld live action, animation, and basketball in the history of the world? And my mom said I wouldn't make anything of myself watching cartoons and eating swiss cake rolls all day!”

There is a fine line between madness and brilliance. Thank goodness WB erred on the side of brilliance.

I might need to add this movie to my list of what an acid trip would be like. Except, I totally love it. I was shocked to discover I didn’t own it and ordered it from Half.com last week. Last night, as we celebrated Wine Wednesday, I forced the Jam-mocking roommate to watch it – and love it. (Still working on the last part.)

Maybe it was the two bellinis and two glasses of wine talking, but I decided it’s a highly underrated film. I mean, I think there are some subtle undertones about identity, teamwork, and loyalty. It begins with Michael quitting basketball to play baseball, a move for which he is mocked, but he stayed true to himself, and that’s a good lesson for kids. MJ and the Toons and the old white guys all band together and even though they think they'll lose, play like a team. And fighting for your country/planet against an outside enemy looking to enslave you? That’s just patriotic.

[My love for it also might have like 15% to do with the North Carolina references. The opening set in Wilmington, the clips of him playing b-ball at UNC, and of course, Bugs and Daffy’s quest to get his North Carolina shorts, worn under his uniform at every game. (I think I might have taken my obsessive love for all things UNC to another level if I get excited for millisecond references such as these.)]

And I have just written if not eloquently, at least passionately, about Space Jam. I think my work here is done.

What's love got to do with it

As a compulsive listmaker, it should come as no surprise that I keep mental running lists in my head for various things. Not unlike the draft box in my Gmail, full of quotes and to-do lists and half-finished blog posts, my brain holds drafts of the following lists:

• Famous people who make me so nervous I would surely throw up on them were we ever to meet
• Why I shouldn't have children
• Things I would change were I president/supreme ruler of the world
• What I think an acid trip would be like*
• Reasons to get married

The latter is the reason for this post. Thus far, ignoring all that soulmate, true love, someone to grow old with mumbo jumbo, are the reasons I have for for why I should get married.
So I will have someone to:

• Kill bugs
• Help me make my queen-size bed
• Smooth down the back of my collar (I don't know why I have such issues with this.)
• Do the grocery shopping and cooking
• Counteract my type A, OCD, OMG that DVD is not in alphabetical order uptightness
  
• Apply sunscreen/lotion to my back
  

Ahh, but I can now cross this last one off, or at least half of it, as I have discovered this:
A lotion applicator from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Perfect for those hard to reach, turning from sunburned to tan, itchy back places. AKA TMI, Bonnie, TMI.

Whatever, it still gets the stamp of approval. (Can you tell I am trying to make myself tired before bed?)

*Clarification: I've never done drugs, but thus far I imagine an acid trip to be one part the boat ride from Willy Wonka, mixed with that emo guy's tortuous rendition of Ring of Fire from last week's American Idol, with a voiceover done by that crazy MTV VJ Jesse, wrapped in tie dye. With cupcakes for dessert.

The problem with sales

Thanks to deals at Target this week, I purchased, among other things, two bottles of wine and two bottles of pain reliever. I’m surprised someone didn’t come up and offer me the number for a suicide hotline.

I also bought a pen with whales on it and a four-pack of toothbrushes, if you are curious.

Bonnie's Bracketology

It's the best time of the year again...March Madness! It's everywhere and I love it. Even though, just like every other aspect of my life, I get stressed out. My breathing gets rushed, my heart pounds, and I shake a little. And this is just filling out brackets. Before the games even start. (You can see why I am convinced I am going to die of a heart attack during a UNC game.)

During the season, I only pay attention to Carolina, and whomever they’re playing at the time. I rarely ever watch other games, unless Duke is getting killed or it’s the last minute in a game that has rankings implications for us. Therefore, I rely too heavily on the seeds and my own predisposed notions of the teams. Below, for no other reason then the fact that this is my blog and I am terribly self-involved, my bracket habits.

• Without fail, every year, I will call my brother to compare brackets. And by compare I mean defend some of my more hopeful choices against his mocking, and frantically change three or four after second and third guessing. He, in his ever-present, ever-annoying coolness, will not waver in his picks. It will end with him telling me how bad he thinks his are. (Then the tourney ends and he’s either won the family pool or at least finished in the top five.)
• I used to always pick a #16 over a #1. I let this lapse the past two years, but I still hold it in my heart that one day a #16 will rise above and squash the mighty #1, and I just hope it’s the year I put it on my bracket. And that it's UConn or Duke.
• I always get swayed by the seeds and end up with at least three #1s in the final four. I hate myself when I do it this way.

I will pick you if:

• You have a cool name. See: Gonzaga, Villanova, Marquette.
• You are the underdog or it is your first time in the tournament ever or in 20+ years. And I will cry when they interview you, too. It's just what I do.
  
• You have a cool mascot or pretty colors

I will not pick you if:

• You have beat Carolina in the tournament in the recent past. See: George Mason, Georgetown, Kansas (This last one may be hard.)
• You set fire to the street after we beat you. See: Michigan State, 2005. (Difficult this year, though.)
  
• Your colors are ugly, I find your mascot stupid, or your school/campus pretentious. Or if you had questionable recruiting practices for your football team. See: Colorado (Do they even have b-ball? My support of them has come up at some point, I know.)
  
• I hate you but I can’t remember way. See: UConn (Also may be difficult this year.)
  
  
• And lastly, I will vow that this will be the year to finish last in the family pool, not counting the second/third/fiftieth brackets some put up. I will never be first, so I will absolutely settle for last.

Now to figure out how I'm going to wear this year's lucky gear to work tomorrow. The socks shouldn't be a problem. The jersey, however, may prove more difficult. GO HEELS!!!!!

Home sweet home (ish)

I left all of this...

...to come home to three days of drear. Some sun, some blue sky, but mostly just gray. Here is my artistic interpretation of the past few days:
All the same, all gray.

Today, however, in protest of the lack of color in my life, I went to see the Obama-dictated green water in the fountains at the White House. I know, it doesn't take much to get me excited. But I do love fountains, and I love color, so to the other end of Penn Ave I went. My camera phone, however, was not capable of recognizing the green water. But I did see it in person, and it was green. Go here to see that I'm not lying.
Happy St. Patrick's Day! More on the cruise later when I've had more than four hours of sleep. Oh insomnia, it has been 10 years, can you please leave me alone, please?

I found grace inside a sound/I found grace it's all I found (U2)

Whew...this week. Snow, work, U2, cold temps, work, slippery ice, some sleep, work, Doctor Who, work, and then Mexican food. But I finally finished my huge assignment and now it's smooth sailing, literally, on my cruise next week! (Before the work picks back up when we get back, but that doesn't matter now.)

Many things to write about when I get back, including:

• How much I love U2
• What is wrong with Jimmy Fallon (from a previously huge fan)
• Carolina's own Anoop the 13th Idol!
• The awesomeness that is Netflix's Instant Play
• 30 Rock basing an episode around the second most terrifying movie of my childhood: Harry and the Hendersons (Second only to Gremlins.)
• Love for Slumdog Millionaire
• How it's driving me crazy that these bullet points do not all begin with a verb or common construction and how I'm too tired to add punctuation. This is what my job has done to me. Made me even more obsessive than I thought possible.
  

That's it for now. I just want to get warm and fall asleep to Doctor Who. Before, though, here are some pictures around my neighborhood from the snow on Monday. Back in a little over a week with pictures of Key West and Grand Cayman!

How could I forget...

The most happiness-inducing thing right now...new U2 album on Monday/Tuesday! (Press is saying Monday, but Amazon, where I pre-ordered it, is saying Tuesday.)

I like to think, that for the most part, I've grown more tolerant and respectful of other people's views. Except for those who don't like U2. Seriously, if you don't like them, fine, but I have no interest in hearing about it. Same goes for those who like Eminem and Duke. And milk, I will just never understand the appeal of milk. (The beverage, not the man or the movie.)

Anyway...so so very happy about that. Even though I'm less than impressed with their first single, I don't think my boys would let me down.

Not a rant

I've been fairly hostile for the past few weeks due to lack of sleep, stress, and just being in a bad mood. So to make up for that, things that are making me happy:

• Zac Efron. I have decided he is adorable.
  


• I'm on a Boat. Amazing. There have been a few Digital Shorts lately that I have just not found remotely funny, but this one kills me. Thanks to Mark Ronson I now pay more attention to what T-Pain is saying than the other guys.
  
• Demetri Martin coming to DC in April. I first saw his comic special on Comedy Central junior year and have loved him ever since. His jokes are dry and intelligent, which is very refreshing in a comedy landscape dominated by juvenile attempts at humor. (In my opinion of course.) My love for him almost makes up for the completely ABSURD $12 ticketing fee that was added to my ticket. I could rant about that...but I'm not. This is happy time.

• Sunday was Oscar Day, one of my most favorite days of the year! I saw too few of the nominated films this year and will have to be more dilligent next year, but it was still a good time for all.
  
• The lastest Stuff White People Like post on Moleskines. I confess that I love these notebooks and probably have about 10, not all bought for full price and no two of which are the same. I don't know why I feel guilty every time the "stuff" they post applies to me.


• Had a conversation/discussion/argument at work today about carriage returns, point spacing for paragraphs and bullets, spaces after sentences, and of course, serial commas. This is why I love my job. No, really, that is why I love my job, people get excited about point size! I have found my people.


• Just 11 days until cruise time! Key West and Grand Cayman, here we come! Seriously, I am sick of the cold and am going stir crazy and must get out. To quote Maroon 5, "this city's made us crazy and we must get out." Just 11 days and I'm out.

And that's it for now. There might actually be a few other things making me happy out there but haven't quite made it to list form in my brain. To be continued...

Whatever, your mascot is still a terp

There are no less than three companies - Citicards, Pepco, and Dell - who more than likely have a recording of me screaming at their automated phone systems. After typing in my so-called "express service code" for Dell, this is how the conversation between me and the recording, whom I have named hoity toity yankee bitch,* went:

HTYB: Your number is 55555, is this right?
Me: Yes.
HTYB: I'm sorry, I didn't understand, is that number right?
Me: YES!!!
HTYB: Sorry, still didn't understand?
Me: OH MY GOD THE NUMBER IS RIGHT, YES, CORRECT, IT IS RIGHT!!!!!
HTYB: Ok, let's try another option?
Me: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

This went on not one, not two, but THREE times before she finally understood me. By the time I got to the acutal person who was going to help me, I had a sore throat and was a little short with him at first. However, Jason turned out to be quite helpful and fixed my problem, and by fixed I of course mean made me delete everything and re-install Windows. On the upside, it's been 2.5 years since my last computer crash. On the downside, in the four years I've had an iPod, this is at least the sixth time I've had to re-upload and organize my music. Oh playcounts, I will miss you most of all.

I just want to know what is wrong with my voice or phone that makes these automated people incapable of understanding me when I speak to them. It's not like I'm improvising words or speaking Sanskrit, I am choosing from their list of options. Is "yes" really so hard to understand in computer land? (Mom thinks it's because I talk too fast, but you can not say "yes" too fast, it's one word!)

Which brings me to my main complaint, why go to an automated voice menu in the first place? Was typing in "1" or "2" so difficult? Especially as our country grows in diversity with a range of accents and speech styles.

I don't like how much responsibility we give these computers. Judging from my latest virus and a myriad of computer problems in the past, they suck 90% of the time. If one can't even run a Firefox window and Word without them "fighting,"** what makes you think they will be able to understand me when I say the too-long option of "re-connect my electrical service." Here's a hint: they won't!

With this, burning two bags of popcorn and a pizza, creepy guys at Target, and of course that thing that happened in Maryland that I will not discuss, Saturday was a really shitty day that is making me consider anger management classes.

*I just really like that insult from Sweet Home Alabama and don't get to use it enough. I don't know many hoity toity yankee bitches, which I suppose is a good thing.
**Seriously, this happened at work and that's what my tech guy told me. But he got them to call a truce and they work fine now.