In which I complain about numbers

My current work project involves economic and business processes. Or, more simply, my current work project involves numbers. Lots of numbers. And formulas. And math. I'm a word person. Give me numbers and I shut down and can barely remember my own name.

Let me break it down a bit more. In high school I got As. That's it. From freshman to junior year, six classes a year, four report cards a year, an A for every one of them. That's 72 As. Senior year, block schedule, four report cards, eight classes, 28 more As. What's that, there are two As missing? Why yes, and not just because I'm bad at math. But because the first half of the last semester of my senior year I got...a C. In AP Calculus. It still hurts.

As you might imagine, as someone who not only got 100 As but still remembers them 10 years later, I was more Ms. Neurotic Over-Achieving Basketcase than Ms. Easygoing. Thus the C did not go over well. My parents didn't even have to punish me because I was so hard on myself. But I raised C to a B and wept with joy because it really was that difficult for me and I was grateful just for the B.

Needless to say, I haven't really shined the past few weeks. I have, however, cried, panic attacked, pulled hair, and whined. A lot. I've also started taking what I call "word breaks," where I do something that involves my first love. I write a blog post or an email or, my new favorite, slip out of the office for 15 minutes to read. I come back happy, refreshed, and ready to tackle those numbers! Yeah, not quite, but there are significantly fewer tears after a word break.

There's a small church and cemetery near my office with ample shade and stone benches that is a great place to get away for a few minutes. This is where I've been taking most of my reading breaks.


View from my favorite bench.



Pretty day.



Most recent reading material: Stranger than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk.



Cute sign by drinking fountain.

Thoughts On...Words

I'm a collector of words. There's really no other way to describe it. There are the spiral bound notebooks dating to high school full of movie quotes, bible verses, and miscellaneous quotes. There's the container of index cards full of favorite lines and well-written phrases from books. There are the drafts in my Gmail inbox full of quotes from articles, tv, and real life. And somewhere there has to be a collection of favorite song lyrics, though I can't seem to think of where. All these words that at some time made me stop, sit back, and think, "Wow, that's going to change my life."

But, for the most part, it doesn't. Sure, maybe it sticks with me for the rest of the day, maybe even the week depending on what else grabs my attention, but more often than not I file it, forget it, and continue on my merry(ish) way. Now, there are a few exceptions.

From the "History of Love" by Nicole Krauss, going on six years now:
Really, there isn't much to say.
He was a great writer.
He fell in love.
It was his life.

Henry David Thoreau, going on ten years now:
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined.

Or a dozen favorite lines from U2 songs (see: this post.) like this one, going on two years now:
I found grace inside a sound, I found grace it's all I found.

And this one, from Maya Angelou by way of Oprah, going on a month now:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

But, the thing is, when real life hits you, none of this matters. At least not in the way you expect it to. When you're faced with an obstacle or a choice, a fun time or an opportunity, you aren't going to be hearing Oprah or Bono in your head. At least I don't. And should I? We have books, magazines, the Internet, friends, family, acquaintances, tv shows, and movies offering us a never-ending barrage of thoughts and advice to sift through, consider, and apply. Or not. Such a steady stream of words that we can't possibly use them all.

I've been thinking that this is a failure of the power of the written word, which is something I believe in like oxygen or gravity. A failure because I take in all these pearls of wisdom, all these bits of advice, and then can't remember them.

But maybe it's more a "failure" of the human spirit or experience to condense our lives to quippy soundbites, platitudes, or lyrics. It doesn't mean we don't learn from others or listen to their advice, just that we don't think or access it verbatim as we go about our day. I think it's all there in the background influencing -- maybe too much or too little -- what we do.

Maybe the goal is to find that which can be summed up in one word, one elusive word that I fail at so miserably both literally and figuratively in my life: Balance. Balance between what we want and what others want, between our own advice and the advice of others, and between our head and our heart.

I still believe in the power of words though. My journalism professor for my features writing course said that the mark of a good piece of writing, particularly in journalism, was if a reader was still thinking about at least a piece of it a week, a month, a year later. Even if I'm awful at applying the thoughts of others to my life, I still do remember a lot. And, to be frank, that's what I want for my words, too. If at the end of my days someone can say, "she was a great writer, she fell in love, it was her life," I will be ok. No one can say that yet, though, so I'll just keep on my merry(ish) way for right now until they can. And keep seeking balance along the way.

Most Over-Used Words

Words to strike from my vocabulary:

• random
  
• sketchy
  
• totally
  
• so
  
• seriously
  
• awesome
  
• creepy
  
• super cool
  

It looks like entries in a book titled How to Speak Like a 13-year-old Girl, doesn't it? Except, I didn't start using any of these words until college. And of course this is made all the more sad by the fact that I'm a writer. I love words!

I'm posting this because starting last week I am working on removing these from my brain, one painfully idiotic but expressive word at a time.

Word of the Day

strug∙gling

Verb

1. to proceed with difficulty or with great effort
2. to lose a shoe while walking in the crosswalk on a major street – for the THIRD time in one’s life
3. to swipe an ID instead of a debit card at Walgreen’s and then stare in confusion at the machine
4. to only make it through the day because at the end lies Glee
5. to realize way too late that due to the putrid and festering sore on American leisure - aka baseball - there will be no Glee in Whoville tonite
   
   
   Will: Who's to say everything I do is 100% on the ball?
   Sue: No one would say that.
   -Glee

The Importance of Proofreading?

I got an email coupon last week for a spa. This was included in the description of their treatments:
"Each personalized facial starts with skin analysis followed by cleansing, toning, steam, and extractions using non-abrasive, seaweed-based products and applied by bolero-playing guitarists."

Yes, that is what it said. Now having had a grand total of one facial in my life, I'm certainly no expert. But I just don't know how this works. The way I see it, there are three options:

1. It's an error in word choice. The treatment is actually applied by a professional while bolero-playing guitarists provide ambient music in the background. (Though I for one find bolero music one of the least relaxing forms of music, so that would not work for me.)
2. It's not a mistake, and there is actually a subset of the population previously unkown to me that has the required skills and training to be both a facialist and a bolero-playing guitarist, and can do both simultaneously.
3. They are able to offer a coupon because they pulled in some random bolero-players from the street to shrink your pores.

I honestly don't know which option I prefer but the coupon is sold out so I guess I'll never be able to find out.

(I realize I used the word bolero a lot, but I like it, it rolls off the tongue nicely.)

Day 217: "Des mots, des mots, des mots." (William Shakespeare)

On one of the many blogs I read, they mentioned a new creative tool for word-lovers, Wordle. Being a word lover myself - cliched, yes, but true - I immediately checked it out. You can enter any text you like and it will generate "word clouds," and change the size of words according to their frequency. Then you can either randomize or customize yourself. Tonite, taking other people's texts, I created and shared my own Wordles. And found a new addiction in the process.

First, the lyrics to "Learning to Fly," by Tom Petty, and where the title of this blog comes from.
The lyrics to one of my favorite U2 songs, "Stuck in a Moment."And finally, I have a document on my computer full of UNC quotes that I've collected over the years, and that I still add to. Here it all is in a word cloud. (Select to make bigger.)