This settles it

I will not have a kid unless I can dress like M.I.A whilst pregnant:

I'll be ok, however, if I can't perform at the Grammy's on my due date. But seriously, I can't move like that without a watermelon inside me, I don't know how she didn't give birth right on the stage with all that gyrating she was doing. Though I am really interested as to what she'll name her kid. I'm going with Alfred William Oliver Lawrence aka A.W.O.L.

I do have to thank her and Jay Z and Kanye and those other dudes I didn't recognize at first for giving me my new favorite rap line: "you can pay for school, but you can't buy class."

And clearly nothing says class like a see-through ladybug-esque sheath when you're nine months pregnant. Yes, M.I.A, truly no one else has your "swagga."

And the winner is...

The Golden Globes make me seriously happy. I mean, probably more than a silly awards show should. But unlike the Oscars, where I get really into it and upset if the person I want to win doesn’t, I’m just too excited to see what happens next to care. In what other awards show do people randomly give their awards to others, are in the bathroom when their award is announced, or bring a drink on stage with them? Or, even better, give their speech when they’re drunk? None! At least not any of the ones I watch.

And, I think there should be a designated award-picker-upper for those who don't show up. Not surprisingly, I'd like to nominate myself for that position. I'd also like to be considered for the position of the person who hands the award to the celebrity to hand to the winner. I have a degree, I'm qualified.

Except, now on second thought, I'm sure there are some requirements. Like maintaining composure under lights while on camera and the ability to stand still without falling. Sadly, I'm not capable of either of those. Especially the last one. I fall off flat shoes like it's my job.