What's love got to do with it

As a compulsive listmaker, it should come as no surprise that I keep mental running lists in my head for various things. Not unlike the draft box in my Gmail, full of quotes and to-do lists and half-finished blog posts, my brain holds drafts of the following lists:

• Famous people who make me so nervous I would surely throw up on them were we ever to meet
• Why I shouldn't have children
• Things I would change were I president/supreme ruler of the world
• What I think an acid trip would be like*
• Reasons to get married

The latter is the reason for this post. Thus far, ignoring all that soulmate, true love, someone to grow old with mumbo jumbo, are the reasons I have for for why I should get married.
So I will have someone to:

• Kill bugs
• Help me make my queen-size bed
• Smooth down the back of my collar (I don't know why I have such issues with this.)
• Do the grocery shopping and cooking
• Counteract my type A, OCD, OMG that DVD is not in alphabetical order uptightness
  
• Apply sunscreen/lotion to my back
  

Ahh, but I can now cross this last one off, or at least half of it, as I have discovered this:
A lotion applicator from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Perfect for those hard to reach, turning from sunburned to tan, itchy back places. AKA TMI, Bonnie, TMI.

Whatever, it still gets the stamp of approval. (Can you tell I am trying to make myself tired before bed?)

*Clarification: I've never done drugs, but thus far I imagine an acid trip to be one part the boat ride from Willy Wonka, mixed with that emo guy's tortuous rendition of Ring of Fire from last week's American Idol, with a voiceover done by that crazy MTV VJ Jesse, wrapped in tie dye. With cupcakes for dessert.