Friday, May 28, 2010

Getting it together

In general, as appreciated as they are, I don't handle compliments well. There is always the urge to immediately deny the truth of the compliment, steer the compliment-giver to another subject, and of course, pay them a compliment back. I'm not sure why this is, other than being supremely uncomfortable with both attention and even the perception of conceit. This is especially the case when people compliment me on being "together." Even writing that out is hard because the arrogance and cockiness oozes out of the word. But let me finish.

Whether it be my clothes, actions, or decisions, they've been described as "together" more than once. And in some ways, maybe it's true. I know myself and my goals, plans, and beliefs. But 99% of the time I am most decidedly NOT together. And I never know what to say when that "t" word is thrown out. Except to immediately start listing the litany of reasons why this is laughable and pretty much unbelievable.

Like when I realize there is a stain on the hoodie worn to work. Or when a co-worker introduces me to her family and my shoe comes off as I get out of my chair. Yes, I met this person's family with one shoe off. While wearing a Beatles t-shirt. And earlier this week, wearing a new top and jacket, the tags still firmly attached to each as I went about my day. (Thankfully, they were tucked in and no one saw.)

That is not "together."

I have bad days. Actually, bad weeks. An entire month of bad. And even an entire semester once. Some days I just can't seem to shake life and get it together. Some days are so un-together there is no choice but to give up, come home, put on my pajamas, and get in bed.

Some days my room looks like this:

Is this the room of a together person? Dresser drawers that are never closed, an over-flowing laundry basket, an unusable desk chair, piles of paperwork, and jeans and shoes that forcefully eject themselves from the jungle that is my closet? Hardly.

No one is as "together" as they think they are or may seem to others. No one.

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