Friday, August 03, 2012

Operation: Badass

"There are better compliments than being called 'sweet.' And even if I wasn't the edgiest, most dramatic person in the world, I could sometimes imagine myself being another, sharper, more powerful version of myself...But I guessed I could handle being called sweet. Sweet was a start. At least he hadn't called me 'nice.'"
-Mia, Summer of Skinny Dipping

I'm working on a project at work that involves law enforcement and may involve talking to some cops. I heard from one coworker that another coworker thought I was "too sweet and innocent" to be around so many cops.

Now, part of me would assume that "sweet and innocent" is exactly the type of person you'd want around a bunch of cops. However, not having the hangups that a lot of people have about cops due to having never been in a situation involving them, maybe the stereotypes are true and "sweet and innocent" would lead to trouble.

But that's a whole other issue. My main gripe with this accusation is that it's just that, an accusation. I AM NOT SWEET AND INNOCENT. I am 28 years old! I'm an adult who drinks, swears, wears short skirts, and jaywalks! Sometimes, if there isn't a recycling bin, I'll throw an aluminum can in with the regular trash! Because I'm just crazy like that. Rawr!

Nnow I've decided to institute at work what I'm calling Operation: Badass. That's right, no more Ms. Sweet and Innocent. (Not that I ever think I really was, but there will be no doubt after this.) After some brainstorming and then seeking suggestions from some coworkers, this is what I have so far:
  • Re-enact the last scene of "Grease"
  • Leather pants
  • Leather mini-skirt
  • Tattoos
  • Chain smoke in the hallway
  • Drink at my desk
  • Leave work to drink at a bar
  • Pick up men on the street and drink at a bar with them
  • Knock down a cop in Chipotle and then run away

I welcome other suggestions. And possibly some bail money.

1 comment:

  1. HA HA - THIS IS HILARIOUS. SOMEBODY DOESN'T KNOW YOU. I think you can be sweet but you are far too wordly to be innocent. But - let them think that. That is always in your favor. Let 'em underestimate you. They'll learn. Now I don't think your father will go for the "last act of Grease" !! Why don't you try running it by him. As for the Chipotle idea...wherever did you get that? Love MOM



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