I (don't) want to hold your hand

One day around sophomore year of high school, while waiting for the buses after school, a few of my girlfriends told me they couldn't imagine me ever holding hands with a guy in the halls or at the bus stop. Naturally, I took great offense to this. Then, in the middle of the conversation, my best guy (just a) friend walked up and I made him hold my hand for about 10 seconds. It was weird and awkward and I'd never needed my hand more than in those 10 seconds.

Now, what made my friends think this in the first place? Was it because they:

• Thought my hands were grotesque?
• Had seen me break through slow-walking, hand-holding couples in the halls?
• Were just smart and prescient?

Because fast forward 10 years and, as I do this dating thing, I've met some nice guys who just want to hold my hand. Which is nice in theory but not in practice because I hate holding hands. Suddenly I become very aware of the fact that I only have use of one of them. Situations run through my head where this temporary lack of appendage is really going to inhibit me. What if I:

• Fall and can't brace myself?
• Have my purse grabbed by a thief and only have one hand to fend off him or her?
• Need to scratch my other hand?

Plus, how long before you can let go without seeming rude? If there's a tight space and you have to walk single file, can you break free? Is it ever acceptable to just sort of bat it away? (I may or may not have done this in the past. But it wasn't a real date. And it was more like a reflex that couldn't be helped.) And let's not forget: germs. Anderson just had an entire show on germs and given what they found on cell phones, who knows what they'd find on hands. Especially city boy hands.

Perhaps this is just one of those things that when/if the the right guy comes along, someone who can ease the crazy in my head, it won't matter. But, I don't know if that's even possible because I can't imagine anyone being right enough to erase my need for free use of both of my hands.

Photo source.