Sunday, February 22, 2009

Whatever, your mascot is still a terp

There are no less than three companies - Citicards, Pepco, and Dell - who more than likely have a recording of me screaming at their automated phone systems. After typing in my so-called "express service code" for Dell, this is how the conversation between me and the recording, whom I have named hoity toity yankee bitch,* went:

HTYB: Your number is 55555, is this right?
Me: Yes.
HTYB: I'm sorry, I didn't understand, is that number right?
Me: YES!!!
HTYB: Sorry, still didn't understand?
HTYB: Ok, let's try another option?
Me: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

This went on not one, not two, but THREE times before she finally understood me. By the time I got to the acutal person who was going to help me, I had a sore throat and was a little short with him at first. However, Jason turned out to be quite helpful and fixed my problem, and by fixed I of course mean made me delete everything and re-install Windows. On the upside, it's been 2.5 years since my last computer crash. On the downside, in the four years I've had an iPod, this is at least the sixth time I've had to re-upload and organize my music. Oh playcounts, I will miss you most of all.

I just want to know what is wrong with my voice or phone that makes these automated people incapable of understanding me when I speak to them. It's not like I'm improvising words or speaking Sanskrit, I am choosing from their list of options. Is "yes" really so hard to understand in computer land? (Mom thinks it's because I talk too fast, but you can not say "yes" too fast, it's one word!)

Which brings me to my main complaint, why go to an automated voice menu in the first place? Was typing in "1" or "2" so difficult? Especially as our country grows in diversity with a range of accents and speech styles.

I don't like how much responsibility we give these computers. Judging from my latest virus and a myriad of computer problems in the past, they suck 90% of the time. If one can't even run a Firefox window and Word without them "fighting,"** what makes you think they will be able to understand me when I say the too-long option of "re-connect my electrical service." Here's a hint: they won't!

With this, burning two bags of popcorn and a pizza, creepy guys at Target, and of course that thing that happened in Maryland that I will not discuss, Saturday was a really shitty day that is making me consider anger management classes.

*I just really like that insult from Sweet Home Alabama and don't get to use it enough. I don't know many hoity toity yankee bitches, which I suppose is a good thing.
**Seriously, this happened at work and that's what my tech guy told me. But he got them to call a truce and they work fine now.

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